Wanting to start my loving and caring family

1. The Game of Life

   October 27, 2022(edited)

   Have you ever felt like you are playing a game of Monopoly and keep landing on Boardwalk that has several hotels on it? Or a game of SORRY! where every time you are close to the safety zone you get knocked out and sent back to the beginning? How about a game of Go Fish where every time you have go back to the pond of fish to find a new one! That is how the last nearly two years have felt since I have started trying to start my own family. To think that my fertility journey is no were near done, has me worried. Worried that after all the extra hours worked just to save enough money to start my family, that I will be in debt, worried that I won’t be a good mom. Yes, as some people have said I can “throw in the towel”, “there are so many children who would love to be adopted”, “you could always foster”, “are you sure you want to be a single mom?”, or “maybe it is just not meant to be”. The list of things I have heard time after time goes on and on. Well, if you truly know me, you know that I am someone who continues to follow their dreams no matter how many obstacles get in my way. Have a I some fleeting moments where I think that maybe what those people are saying it right? Yes, Then I remind myself that this is something I truly want. Would you not spend your money on say a car you always wanted, or take that vacation you always wanted because of the cost? Yes, I understand that the cost of me bringing a life into the world is more expensive than those examples, however I can’t think of anything I want to do more than be a mother. Play the waiting game for something this important to me has been a constant struggle. While I love seeing my friends and family frow their families, it makes me wonder when it will finally be my turn. Trying month after month with no success and increasing treatment bills has made it even harder for me to remain optimistic that someday it will finally be me making my pregnancy announcement. This last year I have gladly put my life on hold for the possibility of bringing a life into the world. Putting vacations on hold, which included amazing trips to celebrate two amazing friends, not picking up extra hours because what if I have an appointment. This past weekend I forced myself to do something for myself and not back out of a trip because of this pregnancy journey. It was truly what I needed before starting the next step of another egg retrieval and round of IVF. The one thing that truly has help me get through this journey has been my wonderful friends and family. I know I would never have survived this journey if it weren’t for them, and my sister Abby deserves a special shoutout for making the hikes to Rochester with me for my last round of egg retrieval and implantation. So, to answer your questions, no, I am not pregnant, and I will not be pregnant for a while still. I am back to square one of this IVF journey, which involves several months, and many steps before I am able to try my second implantation. With all the uncertainty, there is one thing that I am 100% certain about, and that is that the life I will bring into this world will be so loved, and worth EVERY moment of uncertainty.

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