Westley and kristine surrogacy journey

My name is kristine and my fiancé name is westley. In 2009 i got pregnant with my first child and settled down fast with my ex husband. I was in a abusive relationship with a guy who never wanted children. I thought it was I deserved my mom told me no man is going to want you because your 18 and pregnant. So I thought this was the only man that would want me. In 2014,2015 I went on too have 2 more kids I was married but a single mom, I did everything for them while he slept in and hardly worked. I stayed with him in hopes that eventually things would change. In 2020 after finally deciding I am done and over it all I got pregnant with my baby girl. Unfortunately I had placenta previa. I had to make the hardest decision give up my baby and my uterus or I wouldn’t make it. Had to say goodbye to my 18 week gestation baby. I knew that I couldn’t leave my other children in the hands of a guy that never wanted kids in the first place. I wanted them to be taken care of and loved unconditionally. I finally left him in 2021 decided to date a guy friend I have known for 10 years realizing that was the best decision I have ever made. Unfortunately he has no kids of his own and I would love to be able to give him one. I have a friend that is willing to carry a baby for us just coming up with the funds is so hard. My fiancé is amazing with children his face lights up Every-time he sees a kid and they instantly like him. He says it doesn’t bug him not have a baby. Because he knows I can’t and he loves me regardless. It bugs me I feel like ever since loosing kaydence I have a piece of me that is missing. To go home and tell my kids that there baby sisters is in heaven and my son who has such a caring and compassionate heart be sad. Months later them still not grasping it and touching my belly and asking when baby is coming and saying baby is in your belly.